Stepping on toes...

I watched something that made me uncomfortable tonight.

I should back up and tell you where I was.

The boys basketball league, Upward, had a banquet tonight.

This involved pizza, soda, cookies, and silly musicians. The pizza was edible, the cookies were homemade and wonderful, and the musician brought a message of God's love. While I know that if I'm honest about it, I would say that there were other places I'd rather be, but all in all it wasn't that bad. I did have the joy of watching Mac get picked to go up on stage. (Thank you kind musician for making the boy's life just a little bit brighter).

So all of that went well, no complaints. And what I have to say isn't really a complaint, it's an observation.

The kids got called up on stage as teams to receive their award. In the past, we've gotten basketballs and backpacks. Tonight we got miniature basketball goals, but the prize doesn't really matter. They're all pretty much the same.

OK, so the goal was to get all the players in an age group together on stage and take their picture. Now, this is after they've been given the fairly useless piece of plastic that probably has a life span of a week (in my house at least). The kids looked at the camera, smiled, and without thought or hesitation, raised their piece of plastic to the appropriate level below their faces.

All the sudden to me, that just didn't feel right. It got me thinking about all the things our children receive and how we encourage them to pose for the camera. Participation trophies, first place ribbons, recognition plaques, pieces of paper that say good for you-you breathed, or acknowledgement awards to show that they truly accomplished something amazing. It doesn't matter what the object is, we just want a picture.

These kids have been operantly conditioned to smile and hold the thing just right. They've been taught that everything thing they do is wonderful, every thought they have is spectacular, that they deserve an award just for existing.

While this might not be entitlement, it is definitely a self-centered practice. The children must have the thing to prove themselves and parents must take the picture to show how great their kid is. And maybe it's not the thing they get and the parents' picture, but the expectations.

We are teaching our children, from a young age, that they need to view their self-value through what someone gives them. We're teaching them that they can't draw from within themselves to see something of worth. We've trained them to just smile, and hold up the award without thought as to what that award means.

I am very proud of my children's accomplishments. But I'm more proud in how they chose to conduct themselves and in who they are becoming.

I don't take my camera places, and there are occasions that I regret that. And I can't say that I'll carry the memories in my heart, because I won't remember. I will remember the feelings though. The pride, the joy, the sense of true accomplishment-and those are my feelings, not the boy's.

So why do we do this to our kids? Who's needs are we trying to fill?

I work hard to not be that parent. I try to teach my boys that they should always try their best, but that their best might not always be good enough. I try to show them that awards are supposed to mean something.

I teach them not to pose. That authentic is much better.

I've probably stepped on toes by saying this. I know most would disagree. But this is how I feel and how I choose to raise my family.