Stewing in a Pew

So I'm talking to my preacher Tommy today during church. He was telling me about the change in confirmation schedule. He asked if Tuesday at 4:30pm would be alright with Mac. I said sure, we had made this a commitment, so on and so forth. Now I told him that it would be Forest bringing him because I'd be at class. Tommy looked at me oddly. I said, no really, I'm in class all the time, you know that! Then with an impish grin, he said of course I know that, I read about it on FaceBook. Luckily, someone else grabbed his attention and I was off the hook.

And I was mad. Now really, I am very careful about what I post. Family and kids are on there! But I had forgotten that I'm friends with Tommy. I don't post anything that I would be ashamed if my family or friend saw, so why was I ashamed that Tommy was reading it?

I'm sitting in the pew stewing over the look on his face thinking what I could have possibly posted to get that reaction. And then he stated preaching!

And Oh My Stars he was at preaching me!

That really got my blood pressure up. How could that man stand there and judge me like that! Preaching from James 13, that to show others that we love and follow Christ that we must love one another. That while it's great to wear our crosses and our Christan t-shirts and listen to Christian music and put catchy bumper stickers on our cars, that we still have to love others to show that we are Christians.

We need to do loving actions to love others. Say kind words, do nice (and unexpected things) things (my fav is Tommy telling us that he likes to pay for the people behind him in the drive-thu), do things that show we love others.

None of this seems hard. But then I realized that while I live parts of my life that way, some of the much more public parts don't show this side of me.

 Especially my FaceBook side.

That side can be ugly. And when I think of how unloving and uncaring I can be, how sharp and biting my words can be, and how unkind so many of my thoughts are

it hurts me.

So yeah, he was preaching at me. God placed those words in his mouth so that they would be placed on my heart. And I'm glad for it.

I might not ever know what that grin was about. It might not have meant anything. But it did set up my heart for things I needed to hear.

So, with even more care and vigilance, I will be mindful of what I say and how I say it. That my ugly thoughts stay with me and not let into the world. That I won't say things that I'd be ashamed for Tommy to hear.

God, I have not loved you with my whole heart

I have not been obedient

I have not done your will

But God, I'm here now asking for help

Trying to love you 

Trying to love others

Trying to love me

Trying to be who you made me to be

And God,

Thank you