The Monster

It's started.


I knew it would happen.


But I didn't think it would come so soon.

It starts with curiosity. Then creeps to anxiety. Must squash it soon before it runs to panic. 

So I reach for my laptop. I pull it over onto my lap. I slowly open it up. I never turn it off, so I only need to gently wake it. I push the right buttons, click the right things, and wait.

Has anyone read my blog? Does anyone like it? Are there comments?

My heart's beating a little faster. I can feel the flush climbing up my face. Patience no longer exists.


My hand shakes as I click on the screen. Is it there? Anything? No. Quick! Check the other one! Nothing there either? Well, maybe it's not working right. But what if it is?


Then I'm a little miffed.


There I am, pouring out my heart and soul, in a quirky amusing way, and no one cares!


Or at least that's how it feels.


Plus how many do I actually read? How many have I ignored because I don't have the time, patience, or desire to?


But it's me! I'm different! Don't you want to find out about me?


Or maybe you love them, can't get enough, eagerly awaiting the next. But you assume that I know you feel that way.


I wrote the first one on a whim. I thought it would be a good way to get the crazy out. The less thoughts that are in my head, the less that can make me nuts. Or so I thought.


Now that I'm writing it all down, putting it out for the universe to see, I've found something new.


What have you found, dear writer?

I've found the Blog Monster. The big, creep, scary Blog Monster! He greedily eats up all your words, spits out this beautiful blog page, and then he proceeds to eat away at you. He nibbles on your confidence, he chomps on your self assurance, he picks his teeth with your self esteem. Chewing, crunching, sucking, swallowing, til you are nothing but a knot of churning stomach and shaking hand.

He waits for me. He knows what's there. He knows what's not there. He knows what I'm looking for.

A comment. A thought. A little praise.

All I wanted was for someone to like it.

And I'm sure they do. They just don't understand that Annie Monster feeds off of acknowledgment and praise!

But I knew this would happen. I knew that entering the world of blog would do this to me.

Well then, why do you do it?

Because, as crazy as it may make me, I really like doing it. It makes me happy.

So, I'll  continue to fight with the Blog Monster. And maybe someday, I'll win.